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Tuesday, November 30, 2004

1st production meeting

well, tonight is my first production meeting. I get to meet the director.. the set designer (both from Montreal) and the choreographer along with James, the musical director and Benoit, the scenarist and present my designs.
I'm a little nervous. The director, Stéphane St-Jean is used to working with his own costume designer.. but James wanted me to do them. I have never done anything like this before, hence my angst.
So.. if anyone out there has a little encouragement or good luck to send.. I would really appreciate it.

Monday, November 29, 2004

The jar at the back of the cupboard

I've been doing alot of searching lately.. searching for myself. Who I really am.. or at least the person I was meant to me. Seems I had lost myself once apon a time and I'm not sure exactly when, but I put myself into a jar.. and closed the lid.. and shoved it to the back of a cupboard.


Nothing drastic happened that I threw myself in a jar all at once.. it happened over time.. slowly.. stuffing a tiny bit of myself into that jar.. stuffed it up so full.. that almost all of me was in there.. and I became a smiling yet empty shell.

Now, that jar could have stayed at the back of the cupboard never to be found
again..or if found.. just to be thrown out..something that's been closed up like
that for so long ... surely couldn't be good anymore.

But who would have figured...something happened and that jar was found and the lid opened.. and all of a sudden, for the first time in a very long time, I feel I can breathe.

Everyday I visit the jar and take back a little bit of myself... the part that danced around the house to music.. just because it felt great.. and didn't care what anyone thought. The part that that wasn't afraid to try something new, that was not uncomfortable with her body, that had desires and fantasies, the part that was spontaneous and had confidence in herself; the part that was truly alive.

It is a bit scary.. learning to try and trust your feelings again... so much emotion all at once.. you want to stuff it all back in the jar... go back to your very safe but boring life.. but somehow it all just won't fit in back into the jar anymore.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

blond fudge

My computer room is very tiny.. but it is all mine. Anything you find in this room belongs to me. Today I packed up everything.. well almost everything in this room.. into boxes because we will be redoing the floors in here this weekend. I cannot believe how much stuff I have. It seems incredible to me that I have amassed so much.

I have so much paper too.. photopaper (matte and glossy), ordinary paper, parchment paper, construction paper, marbled paper, gold and silver paper, vellum paper, linen paper, textured paper, handmade paper, watercolor paper and I could go on and on.

Now, some of you may think I'm crazy, but I do use these papers alot. I do alot of personalized graphic stuff.. and often combine different mediums to give a unique look. I guess I was just surprised how much of it I actually have.

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Tonight I went to Claudette's and helped her make cookies for a bake sale she is participating in. We made several shortbread cookies (all cut out in Xmas designs) and we also made some pretty awesome blond fudge. It is so simple to make and so yummy! I'm going to put the recipe here for anyone that has a sweet tooth.

Claudette's Blond Fudge.

3 cups of white sugar
3/4 cup of butter
3 1/2 oz (160ml)Evaporated Milk .. the smallest can is just right.
4 Caramilk chocolate bars (break into squares)
2 cups of mini-marshmallows.

Procedure:
put sugar, butter and evaporated milk in a small pot on the stove
on low heat until melted and it startes to boil
When it starts to boil.. make sure the heat is quite low and cook for 5 minutes, stirring constantly so it doesn't burn or stick.

Take off the stove

add the caramilk chocolate bars and your mini-marshmallows
stir until everything has melted.. and well-combined..

Pour into a buttered pan. Let set and enjoy

This is so deceptively simple.. I doubt anyone could screw this up and you will be pleasantly surprised at the wonderful texture and flavor of this blond fudge.



Monday, November 22, 2004

Concept accepted.

It was this morning that I presented my St. Valentine's Day concept. The meeting was a casual breakfast meeting in a nice hotel. We had a separate room for the meeting and ate beforehand.

You just never know how these things will go since there is a committee and everyone has to like what you are presenting. I have done work for these people before and never really had a problem but there is always that moment of doubt; will they like what I'm putting on the table? Yes, I do realize if they don't like it that it is not a reflection on me as a person.. but as a creator of things, it is sometimes hard to discriminate between the two.

I'm happy to say they were very enchanted by the concept (actually, they were thrilled) and the whole evening will be pulled together with the tuxedo theme. I will be making tickets, menus and programs all in the same style. I'm very pleased !

Sunday, November 21, 2004

IT



Went out this afternoon and saw kids playing hide-and-seek. This brought back memories of when I was a child; we would often play.

I remember one time in particular. My parents had gone out for the evening and my 2 brothers, both several years older than I were to take care of me. I'm not sure how old I was really, perhaps 9, maybe 10. It was a warm summer night and it was quite late. I live pretty far up north, so the sun may only set around 9:30-10pm. Of course they didn't want to come in the house and babysit me, they had friends and wanted to hang out so I was allowed to play with them. Right, sure.. so I thought.

We would play a game : Hide-and-Seek. They told me though to play with them I would have to be "IT" and I couldn't just count to 100, that wasn't enough.. it had to be 1000. Sure.. ok.. anything they wanted . I wanted to stay up and I wanted to play with the big kids.

They took me to the corner of the street, just 2 houses away. Then I was told, you can look anywhere but don't go into the B's garage.

With my eyes closed and my head resting on the street lamp pole I started to count. 1, 2, 3, 4, ....wow.. 1000 is going to take alot of time.. 50, 100, 150 300, 301, 302, ... 500, 800, 1000.. "Ready or not here I come".

I searched behind the steps.. behind cars.. under cars, sides of houses, even in the garbage bins. They were nowhere to be found. It was very quiet. I started to get scared. I was all alone and I just couldn't find anyone. I started saying things like.. ..Come on, you guys.. where are you? It's not funny anymore.. I 'm scared. There was no answer. This was probably the moment I started to cry...still there was no answer.

I was pretty naive, but the words.. "don't look in the B's garage came back to me".... and I thought.. they have tricked me. I bet anything they are in the garage.

So I went to B's garage and the door was ajar. I entered and "TA DA!" .. the motherlode! They were all in there alright.. and they were certainly not playing hide and seek. The three couples had paired off and were all in B's stationwagon.. necking away! I was pretty outraged. Not that they were kissing, but that they had tricked me! They then consoled me and even though they hurt my pride, I didn't tell my parents. It's kind of funny today, actually.




Saturday, November 20, 2004

projects I'm working on.

I thought I'd show you a few pictures of the work I'm doing in the wedding album.










I also have just done a concept for a St-Valentine's Day benefit supper. The ticket, the menu and the program for the evening must match. I came up with the concept of using a tuxedo as a cover.
Here is the concept. As you can see the ticket has a line to cut and fold down so it looks like a formal shirt collar. I hope you think it simple yet elegant.

Friday, November 19, 2004

break.

I have been commissioned to calligraphy a wedding album. I have been doing this for several days now.. and hardly feel like I have gotten a dent into it yet.

The album is 100 pages.. and each page has 2 sections that can be filled.. so that means 200 spaces to fill. I have to fill it with love citations.. and then embellish (in paint) with vines, hearts, flowers, leaves, anything romantic. A few pages of this is fine, but after a while.. I just get so tired of it. It no longer feels creative, it just feels like a chore. Perhaps if I were a monk in medieval times and created each and every letter with all my love and adoration I would feel differently but this is absolutely not the case.

She is ecstatic though.. and is going to get a handmade music stand made.. and place the album on it. This will be placed in her living room. Sounds a little crazy to me, but to each his own and it's not going to be in my house, so what do I care?

Anyways, my fingers are cramped and I'm tired of doing it.

Somebody come and take me away!!!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Forget your perfect offering

There's a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Darn!

I'm just so angry with myself.

I am in the team H2H tournament contest and I have let
my team down.

A few days ago I came here and talked all about the
team photo tournament I was taking part of and how my
photo shoot really turned into a disaster. I had another
idea.. but when I tried to get it to work.. it was not
quite as spectacular as I hoped for. Finally, I got a third idea..
that was much simpler but could give wonderful
results. I only had to get the material.

Today, I walked for about 1 hour to get what I needed.. to come
home and find that the submit date was last night.

In my mind, the contest started Monday night.. like last time. This does not excuse me in any way. I feel terrible.

Although there are 9 members on our team.. only 3 submitted. We have only done 2 rounds so far.. and both times, I was our team's highest scorer..coming in 2nd and 1st, consecutively. I'm pretty sure our team leader was expecting me to enter a photo, not necessarily a winner, but not crap either, but one that would at least help keep our score up.

What really bothers me is that each team needs a minimum of 4 entries or else the team is disqualified from that round. So by not entering, everyone else's work was for nothing.

I'm so, so sorry. I just want to cry. :(

Saturday, November 13, 2004

the dreaded supper

Well, I'm back from the dreaded supper. I had a few suggestions on how to avoid going.

It was suggested that I sell the chance to go in my place on Ebay. As tempting as this seemed, there was nothing really to offer someone. No tempting virgin bridesmaids, no free supper (which wasn't all that good either).

It was also suggested that I conveniently twist an ankle, or rupture an appendix! Well.. I decided I wasn't masochist enough to enjoy actually maiming myself more than going to the dumb dinner.

Anyways. I went. It was boring. The food was ok, but not great. I decided on Scallop Linguine. I think they must have put the scallops in the food processor because I didn't see any.

Sylvain had the seafood lasagna. I took a taste from his fork.. and when he pulled it back .. he knocked over his wine, yes, red wine, into his plate, on his shirt and on his pants. His lasagna was literally floating in red wine.

Add to this the speeches. Were they sincere.. heck if I know.

After supper, we had the pleasure of having a lady lounge singer. I sound bitter, don't I? Well, she was pretty awful. She sang songs that I think she picked up as karaoke files on the internet, put into her computer and sort of made up the melody in the parts she didn't know. She also sang many English songs that she just couldn't pronounce and just mumbled a bunch of words. To me it was very funny.. probably the best part of the evening.. because I couldn't help myself from laughing.

Anyways.. I'm home and what can I say.. I survived.. next dreaded evening.. The company's Xmas supper. Argh!!

Pie

It's apple-cinnamon

come over and have a piece.. it's still hot!

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

photo shoots.

Well, I've started taking pictures last summer for the first time in my life.. and I really enjoy it. I think I enjoy doing studio shots the most as this is what gives me the most control. I try to make the images.. what I see in my head.

Today.. I had this idea for the next tournament image.. but after it turning out quite disasterously.. I have decided to to with another concept.. so it is alright for me to talk about this one here.

The theme is "Action".. which is not the typical studio shot. I live in a small town and there are not alot of events that happen that would give me a good shot let alone a great one.

So I came up with the idea of capturing the cork coming out of a champagne bottle.
Now.. the problem is my camera does not take pictures fast enough. I have no cable release... and I can't afford several bottles of champagne to try and do this pic.
So.. I come up with this (what I thought at the moment) great idea.. to use baking soda and vinegar.. and get it to explode.. Of course I have to be able to capture the cork coming out.. so I figured I'd trick that part.. and get it wired in the air atop the bottle so when the fizz came shooting out.. it would be in the proper place.

Well. I started in the kitchen sink.. I learned that I needed a moderate amount of baking soda and alot of vinegar to get it to shoot out about 8-9 inches.

So. I set up in the living room.. (yes.. my studio is either my kitchen or the livingroom depending on the space I need). I put a huge plastic all over the floor.. this may get messy. I needed something that was quite shallow so I could get close enough with my camera. So I used the piano bench. The legs of the piano bench were a little short .. so when my camera was on the tripod.. I couldn't get down low enough.. and I wanted the shot straight on.

So.. look around for 4 things that are the same height..to put under the legs. You'd think it would be easy.. but actually I had a darned time finding something. I finally went with 4 soup bowls turned upside down. How pitiful is that? anyways.. it worked.. it was at a great level.

So after draping it with black material.. and setting up a spot behind I'm almost ready to do my shoot.

The spot looks great.. but too white. So I figure .. a nice blue glow on the black background would be nice. So I put a piece of glass over the spot.. so I can put on some blue tissue paper without it burning.. Well, the tissue paper didn't burn but the glass got very hot and literally shattered.

After picking up the pieces.. without cutting myself, mind you.. I thought.. well.. I'll try the lighting on the side. directed toward the ceiling.. and bouncing back down and I will see what effect it gives. I'm worried if I leave the lamp there. .the water will shoot out and really cause an explosion with the hot lamp.

Everything seems to be working fine until I have to actually do the mix. First I have to put in the soda.. no problem. Now I have to set up the camera to take the pic with a delay. I have no choice. I can't be at two places at the same time... although I multitask.. still not fast enough. So I try it with 2 seconds.. obviously I can't pour enough vinegar in 2 seconds.. to get the fizz to come up.. and get my hands out of the way. 10 seconds isn't much better. I'm trying to count it.. but I am not able to get it right. so I 'm either too fast.. or too slow. Last time around.. it shoots up literally 3 feet in the air... of course I miss it.. but I get alot of space wet.
It just wasn't going to work. So.. I have abandoned the idea and am on to another one.. Something tamer! lol!

I look back on the year that I have taken photos and it's funny to me to what lengths I sometimes go to take a shot. I have taken apart alarm clocks, painted backgrounds. chipped out lightbulbs, etc., etc.

I did an image last year.. for a theme at Worth called Green. Green is what we call the color of money.. so I made a dollar sign out of matches that I painted green to make the statement.. Money to Burn.

Here is a small version of the image:




Here is what I had to do to get the shot.
I glued 1500 matches to the dollar sign I made. You can't be sloppy at this point. you don't want to see any glue at all. Then as luck would have it I couldn't find green matches.. so I painted them. After putting everything on black posterboard (If I had to do it over I would have used something else) I hotglued a match at an angle to make it look as if it were just standing up there on it's own.

Here is a composite of the work done:



The last three images on the bottom are pics I took when I burned it outside.


Monday, November 08, 2004

take my place

Well.. Seems someone where Sylvain works is leaving and they are all going to the restaurant for her farewell supper...Saturday evening. As much as I dread this, yes, I'm expected to be there!

I am already imagining it. It 's easy.. we already go to their summer party and then the Xmas one.. so .. let's just say it's boring for me.

As this is a farewell supper.. there will probably be speeches and thank-you's. This might be touching to me if I knew the person concerned.. but she's a stranger. They are all.. Oh.. I dread this so much.

Anyone want to take my place? Seems the food will be good! (little consolation)

Saturday, November 06, 2004

doing cleaning!

Today, I cleaned out our refrigerator.. oh joy! .. I hate doing this type of stuff.. but it has to be done and nobody else is volunteering.

Everytime I clean the fridge.. I just know I am going to find some ghastly surprise. Like a tomato rotting in the bottom of the veggie bin, or some delectable stuff you bought and forgot you even had. Now it looks alright.. but since you can't remember when you bought it.. do you really want to take the chance. NO!

There is always something hidden deep behind the mayo and the pickles.. yes.. ladies and gentlemen.. today I found a container with cut up canteloupe. With much trepidation I open it up. I can't believe it... it smells like it has started to ferment... so I now have the choice of making booze or chucking it.. You are so out of here!

I can't believe that some people say that they enjoy cleaning. My neighbor says that. I think to myself, how pathetic is your life if the best thing in it is cleaning? I think perhaps it is obsession. They always seem to attack the job. I have never seen anyone cleaning with a look of joy on their faces... like old-fashioned commercials.. where the women smiled while they washed the dishes. I love my dishwasher.. enough said.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Looking out my front door

This is not the first snow of the season..but the first that is actually staying..

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Practice

Had practice tonight.

It went very well. We had a vocal coach tonight and she is very interesting. This is the 2nd time we have worked with her. She'll be around every couple of weeks all year. No stupid breathing exercises, lifting of the palette, singing into the mask etc.,

The basics of what she was saying was the following: Our body is our instrument and you shouldn't be trying to change it to make the sounds and hit the notes you want to. If you take a violin.. you don't change the shape of the violin.. it is the strings that count. Your vocal chords work naturally and know just what to do.

Ever hear a baby screaming it's heart out? How can an itty-bitty baby have a voice that can fill a room? Basically he isn't hindered by all the crap that we are. Children scream freely. Ask an adult to just stand up and really scream. He may yell.. but really scream, not so much.

It is amazing to me that when we each had to get up and sing individually.. the people who have the most hangups.. have absolutely no power in their voice or any resonance. They are all crisped up..and so is their voice.

These exercises will not only help liberate our voices.. but I think letting go to sing will help liberate our souls. It is amazing that notes you think you can't hit.. that you really can.


I know since the last time she came I have an easier time hitting the highest notes. I stopped thinking about not being able to hit it because it was too high.. and just sang.. let go. When I was worried about not hitting it.. I didn't know that just that was enough to tighten up the larynx.. and make it impossible to hit that note. When that happens .. you really think you can't do it and each time you tense up trying to do .. you only make it worse.

To really do this.. you have to let go of stuff. Stuff. Basically all any thing that that hurt you .. and made you build a shell around yourself.

This carries off into other areas of my life. I think I am not as afraid to take a risk because of being afraid. Sure.. things are still scary... It won't happen over night.. but I think it gives me courage I didn't have before. Courage to be who I really am and not what I think people expect of me.

Sure, you have to let yourself be vulnerable, and yes, easier said than done...but you can become truer to yourself. I want to feel those feelings and feel alive.